Driving 101, With Professor Vegeta
by Shadow Phenix
Summary: Need driving pointers? Well now you can get them from the driving expert, Vegeta!


A/N: I was on my way home today, 01-11-02, when I got the idea for this story. I was thinking that people would totally benefit if they took driving lessons from me...a purely Vegeta thought. Therefore, being that I am in a humorous mood, I decided to write. 

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**Driving 101, With Professor Vegeta**

The Saiyan Prince walked confidently into the classroom. He noticed a few tired students yawning and covering their mouths. He also noticed a very familiar man with spiky black hair, in orange. (Guess who!) 

"Ahem!" 

The students snapped to attention. They had been forewarned of Professor Vegeta. Of course all of the non-humanoid professors were warn-worthy. 

"I am Professor Vegeta. My woman nagged me to get a job, and so I have, NOT that she runs my life, and anyone who says so will receive an automatic failure!" his voice grew louder with every word. "I will be here for one day only. If you fail to comprehend what your are taught, it will result in automatic failure. If you annoy me, it will result in automatic failure." He paused and narrowly eyed everyone. "Any questions?" 

The room was absolutely silent and frozen. 

"Very well. Let's begin." He began scrawling on the board. His attempts at writing the English language did not even compare to the elegance with which he had mastered it. (In other words, as far as writing was concerned, he was proficient in chicken scratch.) 

**Rule No. 1.**  
    Get Out of the Way! 

"The object of driving is NOT to piss off the person behind you. Do NOT go into an easy right turn at 2 miles an hour, coming off of a 45 limit road. Rudeness will not be tolerated! A happy driver is a safe driver. An annoyed driver as a road hazard." 

**Rule No. 2.**  
    Traffic Lights Are Not Just There For Decoration 

"Contrary to popular belief, these things do, in fact, mean something. Even a small human brain can understand this concept. Red means stop. Does anyone know what green is?" 

"Go?" Goku asked. 

"See, even this simple-minded Saiyan can gather this. Yellow means 'put the pedal to the metal.'" 

"Uhh, don't you mean caution?" a busty girl questioned, flirting with Vegeta at the same time. 

"How dare you question my authority!? Class, meet the first failure." 

She began to cry and promptly ran from the classroom. 

"Any other questions?" Silence again. "Good." He turned back to the board. 

**Rule No. 3.**  
    Speed Limits Are Posted For a Reason 

"The reason is that people become excessively annoyed when someone goes too slow. To regulate this frustration, speed limits are posted. Do not let your speed fall more than 10 miles below the posted limit. Failure to comply will result in the automatic disintegration of your vehicle by me." 

**Rule No. 4.**  
    Parking Lots Are the Root of All Evil 

"Parking is the most annoying element of driving. Crowded parking lots should be outlawed. When someone is waiting for a space, DO NOT slip into it when you have a better vantage point. However, if you like having your car keyed, do this as much as you desire." 

**Rule No. 5.**  
    If You Are At a Stop Sign, You Do NOT Have the Right of Way 

"This is almost self-explanatory. When you see the letters S-T-O-P on a big, red octagon, STOP! Rolling stops will not be tolerated!" 

**Rule No. 6.**  
    Turn Signals Have a Purpose 

"Use them often, use them correctly." 

**Rule No. 7.**  
    Bright Lights Are NOT Your Friends 

"It is RUDE to blind someone. Don't do it! Failure to comply will result in the automatic disintegration of your lights by me or anyone who has a bat handy." 

**Rule No. 8.**  
    When In Doubt, Feign Ignorance 

"Now, let's say you're pulled over by a no-account cop (Vegeta speaking!) for speeding. Do you want a ticket?" He pointed to a nerdy guy. 

"Uhh, no?" 

"Exactly! Therefore, what do we do?" He grabbed a pointer from the chalk tray and pointed to the words as he said them. "FEIGN IGNORANCE. The first thing out of his mouth will be 'do you know what the speed limit on this road is?' Always guess something higher than what you know it to be. If things still look bad, say it's your first time driving that car. 

"Feigning ignorance is also helpful when you cut someone off, or don't let someone on the interstate (freeway). 

"This brings us to the end of our lecture. Exit quietly, and I may let you live." 

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Short and sweet, huh? Well, I just wanted to write a little humor fic, so I hope you enjoyed! Okay, I've been asked to write another part, and I am considering it, but I also have other story commitments *ahem, shameless promo to follow* like Simply Irresistible. So if you liked this, keep checking back for more!) 


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